when i was a kid

there were two places i wanted to live. i live in one; here's the other.

fizzled: more regular posting resumes

i think i fizzled out on the Reverb10 posting for the moment. to be honest, there was just a little too much introspection for the moment. i may pick it up again; i'm definitely still thinking about it. meanwhile, there was milo, jordan's foster dog. he's a slightly larger, stumpy-tailed, furry version of irmacujo. i do so miss irma. anyhow ... buddy only tried to eat him once; alley tried to eat him two or three times.

 or at least she did when she wasn't keeping an eye on the free bird and christmas tree.

 did i mention the snow? there were all kinds of tracks in the yard.

Friendship: it's just one color?

The Prompt: How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst? Author: Martha Mihalick

The Preface: I'm running out of steam on this (almost) daily blogging thing. But i'll perservere for at least today.

The Premise: I have a friend. No, really, i do. Let's call her J. No, not that J, another J. This J talks with me of art - modern art, abstract art, art that i used to walk quickly by on the way to impressionist/post-impressionist galleries when i ventured to a museum. 

The Sidebar: I went home for a Monet exhibit last fall. My sister and I walked through the rest of the museum and came to the Room of No Talent. Well, that's the name we coined for it. Four white walls, each adorned with a single painting. Each painting had a single color on its canvas. This was my introduction to Ellsworth Kelly. Then there was the special exhibition from the Collection of Robert and Jane Meyeroff at the National Gallery. Hey, a two-color Kelly!

The Change: Thanks to my conversations with J, I find myself drawn to the Kellys. The No Talent becomes intriguing, beguiling, inviting.

The Addendum: Monet's late water lilies will always be my favorite. Oh, and it snowed today!

catching up, or i got that hipstamatic app for my iPhone, yes, i did.

December 15 Prompt: 5 minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010. Author: Patti Digh

i think i wasted (?) four minutes trying to remember the year chronologically. then i realized there's only one way (one minute?) to do this up right ...

i remember walking the dog before work and hoping we don't encounter the neighbors because they might realize i'm arguing with myself. out loud. yes, that could have been this morning.

i remember visiting my grandma in Florida over my (most likely) last Spring Break ever. she found out about Southeastern Guide Dogs. Because of my interest in animals, we hugged puppies and walked dogs in training. ooooh, and we saw manatees. in the water.

i remember graduating from lawschool, and it was crazy. Will it rain? Do we follow the indoor or outdoor schedule? Where are these buildings anyhow (graduation at main campus, not at lawschool)? Why is there no parking? Where is my family? Have you seen my Jordan? and still, it was pretty darn cool.

i remember taking the bar exam, but that's not a keeper. 

i remember desperately trying to understand Pokemon (meh, there's always next year) and eating Ethiopian food and seeing wild green parakeets and making pickles.

i remember feeling more anguish than i'd like, but i choose to remember the crazy, the hectic, the family.

p.s. the prompt author wrote a book i like. it's called "life is a verb."

December 14 Prompt: Appreciate. What's the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it? Author: Victoria Klein

i appreciate the free bird, who somehow knew that showing up on my front walk would give her an indoor home, albeit an indoor home with FIVE cats. silly free bird.

and i appreciate greyscale. 256 shades of grey. this little gem of a mantra has been repeated over and over in the last 13 years. but it's true. everything has shades of grey.

tax cuts? it's not really a tax increase if you're simply going back to where taxes were, is it? it's not really the government's money to begin with, is it?

activist judges? anything to do with equal rights for the gays = YES? anything to do with healthcare reform = NO? nonsensical. 

ok, that was a bit more political than usual, but the simple point is that i tend to appreciate differences.

now back to photographing the animals.... bis zum Morgen.

action, or where is my staircase?

The Prompt: When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step? Author: Scott Belsky

i'm reminded of two things. first, my sister had the following quote in her kitchen, or was it the dining room? anyhow ... Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase (MLK, Jr.). and that leads me to the second thing - the steps at work between floors. all of the hall floors are hardwood, stained with a stain that could easily be called espresso. they are very pretty, i think, and also, very dark. the stairs are matching wood with seamless curved edges from riser to tread. i can never see where the first step is. so i have to put my hand out towards the railing and do that little tap-tap shuffling movement with the toe of my shoe to avoid falling down the stairs. and that's where i'm at right now, tap-tapping at the top of the steps, trying to figure out where exactly that first step is and how to put my foot down onto it.

meanwhile, i need to be working, but the application requires an update to Java and seventy-eleven other things on the PC just to get to the actual work. maybe it's the wind, howling outside, but goodness the internet seems slow tonight!

i'd really rather just go to bed.

Body Integration, or: I'm not sure what this means

The Prompt of December 12 – Body Integration This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present? Author: Patrick Reynolds

I've been feeling a bit betrayed by my body as this year draws to an end. I'm sure the feeling is mutual, as I've never been the healthiest of eaters, tend to avoid regular exercise like a plague, and can sometimes consider beer as a food group unto itself. Add in the chronic hunch-over-keyboard-and-type posture, and maybe it's not all that surprising. I feel fine, but something is not quite right. Hopefully, that will be over and done with in a couple of weeks.

I did swim in the spring, when I was still in school and could take advantage of the free* gym. There's something magical about being underwater. Muffled sounds barely break the surface; my body moves in a way that is strangely languid and free all at once.

And there was this. (You may want to mute the volume. or not.)

It's not a fancy trick; the space is loud; the safety is such that I'm not sure I could fall if I wanted to. But when you have a fear of both heights and lack of control, simply being 40-odd feet in the air, trusting someone else to say when and to be there, it's amazing.
~~ flys through the air with the greatest of ease~~

*nothing is truly free when you've paid 125k in tuition.

11 Things (alternate title: A List! Yay!)

The Prompt: What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? Author: Sam Davidson

This was a tougher challenge than I anticipated. I thought, meh, I'll make a nice little list of things I don't need and be done. But then I re-read. What are 11 things my life doesn't need? That's a different question. I'm not sure what I'm answering, but here's my current list, without planning or explanation [yet]:

1. 299 books
2. ten pounds
3. my fear
4. netflix
5. barbri books (preferably via bonfire)
6. impatience
7. people who stand on the left on the escalator
8. the wingchair overtaken by the cats
9. invasive bamboo
10. the house
11. ok, twenty pounds

behind: or when one plus one equals one

December 10 – Wisdom Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? Author: Susannah Conway

December 9 – Party Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. Author: Shauna Reid

Well, if i'm gonna be behind (and let's be honest, it will happen again this month), this was a good time for it because the wisest decision I made was going to a party.  Some details:

the people: my mom, her sisters and brother planned an 80th birthday gathering for my grandma. not all of the grandkids could make it. indeed, my original plan was to send some homemade pickles and love from home. 

the music: after Sunday dinner, said mom, sisters and brother serenaded grandma with some of her favorite songs.

the food: one fancy, restaurant meal; one down-home, favorite recipes meal. A highlight? corn, frozen during the summer, just hours from being picked in the field, reheated with butter and salt.

the drink: the fancy-pants meal came with a bit of wine, but the other one had the Traditional Beverage of Family Gatherings: fruit punch with a certain lemon-lime soda. although in deference to the attendees, it may have been diet soda.

the clothes: dress and heels, of course. what?

the shenanigans: with a bit of encouragement and free petsitting from Jordan, I decided to go at the last minute. my folks knew, but that was about it. I flew in Saturday morning and helped make some flower arrangements for Saturday's dinner at one of the aunt's house. then, we drove over to visit grandma. I waited outside for a bit, rang the bell and pretended to be the flower delivery person. I think she was surprised. I managed not to drop the flowers. win-win.

I also got to spend some time with my other grandma. I think we share a family resemblance. more win for the wise.

quickly and beautifully different

Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. Author: Karen Walrond

I think the things that make me different also make me the same as you. We have more common threads than sometimes we like to think. I also think seeing the things that other people do to light me up is the real challenge. Because, I gotta tell ya, sometimes that light is hiding under a bushel of things being done.

and now i'm off to enjoy my dinner - spaghetti with store bought vodka sauce, a tin of tuna and a heaping handful of rough chopped green olives! (does that count as different?)

Community: seeking a niche

The Prompt: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? Author: Cali Harris

I've been looking for my community this year. It turns out there are not as many introverted yet social, trivial trivia filled, quiet, funny, thinking, sarcastic people with limited free time out there as I had hoped. Kidding, sort of. I probably just haven't talked to them yet.

I did meet some neat people at school last spring. We did a lawyers-in-balance seminar that was an opportunity for some meditation and stress relief, but we were all already balancing so much between work, school and families. I'm slowly meeting some folks online, but I'm rather sporadic about responding and commenting and being involved. And I did get to see my family more than usual, between spring break, graduation, the [first] bar exam, and a special birthday, but now I wish we lived closer.

So next year, I'd like to remove the buts. I'll just keep putting myself out there, stepping outside my comfort zone and hoping to find a kindred soul or two to keep me company on the way.

side note: I went to A Conversation with Judge Thomas Buergenthal on the Anniversary of the Genocide Convention tonight at the US Holocaust Memorial Museum. He spoke about being a survivor of Auschwitz and Sachsenhausen and how that influenced his life's work as an International Human Rights Jurist. I had a professor who arranged for him to speak at school, maybe two years ago, about his experiences as the American judge at the International Court of Justice in The Hague. I cannot recommend enough going to hear him speak if you ever have the opportunity. A couple things that stood out to me (greatly paraphrased by my own faulty memory): he remarked how uncreative we are in our cruelty, when speaking of events in El Salvador, during the civil war, that were too familiar to his own experience in Germany. And he talked about the need for education, the need to have human rights heroes along side the more usual military heroes in history lessons.

Small things can prevent great tragedy.

Make. (Alternate Title: I'm Ahead of the Curve. For Once. How Did This Happen?)

The Prompt: Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? Author: Gretchen Rubin

Yay! I'm so ahead of the game. I totally answered the first two questions in yesterday's bonus post. So now you just get the last answer, for which I will make another list. Because I can.  But it's short.

• I want to make something practical. There are two projects lurking about here. One involves a sewing machine and a new dog bed; the other a set of chairs to be refinished. 

• And I want to make someone smile. A lot. A smile that bubbles up, unprompted and undisguised, for no other reason that it has to be. A smile that wrinkles the corners of the eyes. A smile that sees and knows and is love. That smile.

This is why we need a new dog bed;
it may also make you smile.
Mission accomplished. The End.

i made this! the potato and celeriac gratin.

Loosely adapted from several different recipes found amongst several g00gle sessions, i peeled my celeriac and then eyeballed a few potatoes to give a 1:2 ratio once sliced into similar sized pieces. It's about 6 ounces celeriac and 12 ounces potato. Yes, i did just get a kitchen scale recently. i should have taken a picture of the celeriac to begin with - it's, well, it's an ugly vegetable. Sometimes i wonder who thought "hey, if i peel off the hairy, eye-filled skin, this might be something good to eat"?

 

One small yellow onion was rough chopped and softened slightly on the stovetop before being mixed with the potato, celeriac, an ounce or so of sharp cheddar and two slices of swiss cheese. 

And then, there was the sauce. A cup of water, a boullion cube, a scant tablespoon of dried rosemary and two smushed garlic cloves were brought to a boil and removed from heat. Upon which, a cup of heavy cream was added. Hey, I used low-fat cheese in the previous step! Allowed to sit for ten minutes and steep, it was poured through a sieve into the dish.

 

Topped with black pepper,  the dish was covered and went into a 375 degree oven for about thirty minutes. Then another thirty minutes at 350 degrees. Finally, the cover came off and another twenty minutes or so went by. I'm sure it could bake at the same temperature for the whole time, but I had a few other things cooking.

verdict? I'd make it again. The potatoes are amazing; the celeriac tastes like peppery celery with a bit more crunch than the potatoes. Interesting, odd vegetable, that one.

To-Do or Suggestions? Let Go.

Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? Author: Alice Bradley

I admit, letting go is a tough one for me. I donated 91 books to the Friends of the Library bookstore yesterday. That's ninety-one books that I read once, maybe twice, and that had been sitting on my shelf for probably at least four years. I can estimate the timeline because I mostly quit reading during lawschool.  What if I need this piece of paper or that? Ha! In the nine years I've lived in this house, I've never once referred back to an old electric bill. 

But the harder thing to let go of is the judgment I pass on myself. Why aren't those electric bills scanned and shredded, or just tossed in the recycle bin? After all, the rationale for keeping them is to track expenditures. Why haven't I donated more books from my library? Why aren't I reading more? Why did that last apple go bad, again? Bad apple, bad jenn.

And so we come to my favorite judging tool: the to-do list. I used to make a list every Sunday morning of all the things that had to get done by the end of that day so my work/school week would start out on the right foot. I don't think I ever once got everything on the list accomplished. So I'd feel like I was off on the wrong foot. 

This year, I'm still making lists, but I'm thinking of them more as Suggestion Lists. I've also started adding certain items that are easier to complete or repeating the same item if it has multiple components and other little mental tricks to get to the best part of list making sooner - the crossing off of finished items part!

random, but awesome pic of cameraphobic buddy boo.

Today's List of Suggestions?

make a quick apple-pear sauce with the getting-old fruit

walk dog

drink coffee

scoop the cat litter

scoop the cat litter

re-enroll for bar review

roast pumpkins, puree and freeze flesh

bake a potato-celeriac gratin

hard boil eggs

unload dishwasher

put up the little Christmas trees

hang stockings

research 271(e)(1) safe harbor / research tool exemption

attend to time entry

mop back bedroom floor

balance checkbooks

mow the yard for last time to mulch remaining leaves

scoop the other cat litter

trash out

recycling out

prep package to mail to sister

We'll see what actually gets done, but it's a place to start.

wonder

today's prompt: How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? 
Author: Jeffrey Davis

Oddly enough, I've had Michael Stipe's voice in my head for days now. He's singing, "It's these little things, they can pull you under. Live your life filled with joy and wonder." Sweetness Follows, Berry, Buck, Mills & Stipe, 1992.

Did I cultivate a sense of wonder? I'm always wondering. And, I'll admit, I'm amazed by some wonders. How does a combustion engine work? Who thought of modern sewage systems? Why don't planes fall out of the sky? How does legislative history truly inform the meaning of a statute? Hey, that last one is totally wondrous - have you seen how Congress works? The point is, even if I could just look up the answers in Wikipedia, I like appreciating the things that let me live my life.

Wondering also leads to one of the things I like about my job - as a [not yet admitted to practice] intellectual property litigation attorney, I get to work with the legal bits surrounding cutting edge technologies. I actually feel more comfortable about having laproscopic surgery because of the things I've learned while working. It's rather amazing and even wondrous.

The second chorus? "It's these little things that will pull you under. Live your life full of joy and thunder." Id.

A Moment (or Three)

Prompt: Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). Author: Ali Edwards

It's funny how we read things. I read the prompt this morning and thought The Most Alive, boy, I am in trouble. I can barely remember what day of the week it is some mornings. But then I read it again and decided I could share a moment where I felt simply most alive. [The second "most alive" should be read with a slight British accent and tilt of head for full effect.]

I always love the water. It doesn't matter too much what kind of water - a lake, river or creek, even a puddle, but the ocean? The ocean is magical. This summer I had the chance to visit my Grandma H. in Florida for spring break, followed by Steph's family in northern California and Chris' family in southern California after the first bar exam. We went seaside each time, including manatees, the Santa Cruz pier and Point Loma. I took this picture of the Pacific Ocean on August 1st and posted it to Facebook with the caption "ever find somewhere that just feels like where you are supposed to be?"

I'm not sure that my words are more vivid than this, but I can tell you it felt like home.*

*At least it did until the family near us decided to encourage their son to take running leap over a culvert, off the trail, sliding towards a ledge. Darwinism at work. I'm kidding; he was fine; his family cheered; and we had a collective heart attack.

don't you have to be a writer to worry about writing?

Today's Prompt: What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? Author: Leo Babauta

The first time I read today's prompt, I immediately thought I am not a writer. A writer is an honorific reserved to those who are compelled to write in order to breathe. Sure, I wrote some poetry as a kid, including an epic saga regarding a certain boy named Eric Meek with a leaky boat, but a writer? not I. Then I thought about a certain exam in February that requires better writing from me to pass - perhaps this prompt is not so far fetched?

But the simple truth is that I am often too distracted by things around me to remember to make, or take, the time to write. Here are two things I saw just this morning that I could say a million things about, if I was a writer. :)

This lady made me smile. And the entire time we sat on the Metro together, she made me think about the things we wear because we like them, because they were a gift from someone special, because they are comfortable, because we just don't care. My guilty pleasure? A Hanson t-shirt from the Mmmmbop era.

Buddy and I go for a walk almost every morning before work. Now, with the days shortening, the barely risen sun creates wonderful light patterns in the tops of the bare trees. 

bis zum Morgen.

One Word.

Today's Prompt: Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? Author: Gwen Bell

2010: evolve

a year of endings, slow change and much uncertainty begets the word evolve. i graduated from law school, but the bar exam remains to be passed. i feel healthy, but need to have a small surgery. i am grateful to be employed, but uncertain of my future career goals. i live in an amazing home with the best dog, an odd assortment of cats and the bird, but something is missing. i feel i let a lot of life happen to me, both good and bad, so i chose evolve, kindly defined by the interwebs as to work out, undergo development, gain through experience (http://wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=evolve, last visited Dec. 1, 2010).

2011: resolve

i'd like to think i will act more intentionally to identify and then achieve certain goals. no promises there though, as i tend to be the queen of procrastination.